Old Friends

A small gathering the other day with people from my past stirred a number of thoughts and emotions. If we are fortunate we may meet a handful of people on our journey that we can truly regard as friends. The kind of people who will stand by you when you are wrestling with demons, those with whom you will celebrate life's victories, the ones you will be connected to for life. There are concentric circles of folks beyond those we hold dearly and we may call them friends but that is convention not reality. They are colleagues, acquaintances, or in the vernacular of the gaming world, NPCs, as in non player characters. They form the background of our pasts and from time to time, as in this case, we encounter them afresh for a few minutes or hours.

In today's world we have yet a further level of connection, a community of people we know, sort of, but our connection is strictly virtual. In the world of social media, they may be called friends, influencers, followers, well you get the point. They may include people you once met or even knew slightly or in some cases people who know people you knew. They may also be entirely fabricated--peripheral beings who befriended you solely for the purpose of inserting divisive intrusions into your virtual community.

I find most social media both fascinating and often repulsive. I limit myself to very few, consult those infrequently except communities that are dealing with subjects of interest, and while I occasionally catch a glimpse of what may be happening in someone's life, and then only to the extent they happen to post about it, it is strictly peripheral vision.

When something occurs worthy of celebration, or sadly something to mourn, the opportunity to offer a few words presents itself. For lesser occasions, emojis suffice. I may be dancing around the obvious, but this diminishment of connection is how our relationships--such as they are--become demoted until, and inevitably, they grow distant and vanish.

How many of us pick up the phone and call when significant events occur in the lives of those we know, how many still write a letter or even an email? Instead we post hearts, or thumbs up--virtually like or acknowledge we have seen or heard the news someone offered. And each time we do this--our connection grows more slender. I am guilty as charged--no question about it, and the gathering the other day put it in sharp focus. People I once saw regularly, socialized with, grew fond of and counted as close have drifted away. We are both to blame. My circle of true friends has grown smaller, some sadly lost to this world, but others gradually and certainly unconsciously demoted by the lack of effort on both our parts.

I recognize this is an unflattering self portrait, though it is honest. If people matter to us, and speaking for myself they do, then they deserve the effort to maintain even reinforce the connection that once breathed life into friendship. That means spending real time with them if possible, and if not spending time by phone, text, email and even by old fashioned mail. To state the obvious we cannot be in someone's life if we are not engaged with their lives.

As I looked around the room at the gathering I found myself sad and discouraged. I had lost the thread--the one that binds us and as much as it was pleasant to see old friends I had to admit that our circle had come undone. So, why write this? To encourage us all to make the effort, even if it is unrequited. Friends, real friends should be for life, let us never demote them to old friends, to background characters in our lives. Hold them close.