Crucibles

I received a message today from a friend I lost track of some years ago. We met at a particularly fraught time, and our friendship was forged in the crucible of that trial. When his message arrived in my mailbox I was thrilled to hear from him, but as I read on I was distraught to learn of the adversities he had endured during the years since we last spoke. Living at opposite ends of the country, distance separated us but there was no distance when we connected. That is how it is when one has shared challenging times together. No amount of time or change alters that bond formed under the pressure of dire circumstances.

I try not to lose track of friends, especially those who have played a meaningful role in my life. I have many acquaintances but only a handful of people I count as true friends, and maybe that is the way it is with others, although in this day, the idea of lasting friendship seems almost passe´. So why did this man, who I knew for only six months or so before we were separated by geography, reach out to me after so many years of silence? Until a few years ago I had his address and contact information and wrote an annual Christmas card, emailed occasionally and made an effort to stay in touch, albeit less than I should have. As is so often the case, the day to day busyness of life and matters vying for my attention had a little to do with the slow drift from constant to diminishing contact. But then, one year the Christmas card came back undelivered, the email and phone numbers changed and I had no way to reconnect, that is until now.

I confess that hearing from my friend caused me to reflect on our first meeting, the time we spent together over those months, the nearly daily conversations we had on so many subjects and renewed in a bittersweet way the laughter and the tears, the upbeat days and the ones when I needed the support of someone who understood the daily grinding fear and exhaustion I was dealing with while trying to function and keep a positive attitude. In his message my friend reminded me of one of those moments when laughter was the tonic I badly needed..

He and his bride had spent their honeymoon backpacking across Europe. In Romania, short of funds and in a remote area they went into a gas station--the only place that sold food or beverages of any kind, to try to pull together a meal. Among the things they purchased but never consumed, was a bottle of wine. Learning that I enjoyed wine, my friend presented me with the bottle one day with great ceremony and hearing how he came by it we decided a toast was in order. It was every bit as awful as you can imagine it would be. Gas station Romanian wine is not likely to be featured on any list, anywhere, although it might be a reasonable substitute for diesel fuel in a pinch. But the absurdity of it all caused a ripple of laughter among all gathered, and as is sometimes the case, especially when emotions are taut, we laughed until tears came to our eyes.

I can still recall that day and obviously it made the same impression on my friend. It reminded me of two important lessons. In trying times, such as we face at present, its more important than ever to surround yourself with the people in your life who understand, who will be there for you and you for them, no matter what lies ahead. Crucibles exert pressure, the kind that can break you and bring you to your knees. I've been there and I've been lifted up by such friends. It is equally important to find something to laugh about in the midst of absurdity--of pressure, of pain. We may be crying the next hour or day but for a moment, laughter has the power of perspective and the promise that one day, although we may not know when, things will be better.

Although my friend's challenges occurred some years ago, during the time we were out of contact, it's never too late to commiserate and comfort. We have some catching up to do and some healing to experience and of course, we have some laughing to do, but it won't be over a glass of gas station wine.