The other day I got a text from a friend of many years. We reconnected later by phone and both of us ruefully admitted that we were long overdue for a talk. It seems, as I said, life had gotten in the way.
Later, thinking back on our conversation and the nearly forty years over which we have remained good friends, I was more than a little chagrined that I had let so much time go by without contact. Perhaps you too have had this experience.
Most of the time when I think about the people in my life, and especially those I have not seen or talked with of late I do something about it; send a text, an email or just pick up a phone. It’s not that I am unaware of what is going on in the lives of my friends and family, I know almost too much thanks to social media. But I am not talking about peripheral awareness, my purpose is to connect with them in a meaningful way. These are, after all, people I love and want in my life so it shouldn’t be a challenge to keep the connection alive.
As it turns out, my friend had much the same excuse as I did. Life had gotten in his way as well. A new job, social and professional commitments, and life stuff conspired to fill his days and mine with all manner of things to do and it seemed that the things we wanted to do sometimes got pushed to the back of the queue and out of our immediate thoughts.
The more I thought about this the more I got a bit cross with myself. What kind of friend was I exactly that let so much time go by? What did I mean –life got in the way? Isn’t the point that life is precious and limited? Well I did not exactly take myself off the hook, but it isn’t my nature to bask in self-recrimination. Instead I made a resolution to do better—to follow up and keep on doing so with all my friends and family. But the more lasting affect this had on me was to make me reflect on the value of being still. You heard me correctly, I was struck by the degree to which I was busy filling my life with so many activities of questionable importance that I did not have time to think about some of the people who I loved.
On the face of it, I doubt any of us would admit that we had make a trade-off between chores and friendship or put some busywork ahead of our loved ones. But we do, we do it all too often not because we are indifferent, but because our priorities sometimes get a little skewed. Speaking for myself, I can certainly say that the myriad of things begging for my attention on any given day leave me little time for pause. With the exception of some quiet time in the morning, my days are usually filled to the brim.
What I need is to stay still. Or to put it in even more blunt terms, to stop doing and spend more time being. When I do so, on those ever more rare occasions when I see a beautiful sunset, take a walk in the park or on the beach, the serenity leads me to thoughts of my life—what I want of it and those who are important to me in shaping it. That is what being still is all about; doing nothing so that you can do what is most important of all. Life should not be getting in the way, it should be our purpose. If we fill it with things about which no one will care, and which are unlikely to improve the quality of anyone’s existence, then we have wasted something very precious.
Now before you accuse me of being unrealistic, let me say that like everyone else I have obligations, professional and personal, and I am not going to stop honoring them. That’s life too. But I am committed to letting life be the way and not get in the way. It is in those still small moments that I can hear the voice of God, and understand, if even for a moment, what my place is in this thing we call life. Let me encourage you to try this. Stop whatever you are doing and do nothing for a while. Let yourself reflect without judgement on whatever comes to mind. Feel peaceful? And notice how, despite all the pressing things that must get done, those few minutes you spend in stillness nurture your soul and feed your heart.
It's not just a coincidence that when we honor those who have passed, we often do so with a moment of silence. Quiet stillness summons the positive and allows the negativity in our lives to wash over us leaving us cleansed and renewed. So, the next time you find yourself over wrought with things to do, you might just stop—take a breath and be still for a while.