If you are a regular reader of this blog or listen to the podcast series, LoveLife, that Alvean Lyons and I host, you might expect that the answer to the question I pose above is no, God is always with us. Well you are right, but that isn’t the whole point of this post.

First I want to say that there is nothing at all bad about being alone, and I do not mean to imply with my question that it is a negative experience. I enjoy time with myself and do not feel lonely when I am occupied with things that interest me or feed my spirit; music, art, literature among them. A long walk in the woods or on the beach can be a powerfully uplifting experience often enjoyed best in solitude.

When it comes to relationships too there have been periods in my life when I have been alone, neither seeking nor engaged in a singular relationship but rather surrounded by family, and friends who formed a loving network of support. Most of the time, these periods of being alone were by choice but some were not—the result of a loss in one form or another. Even then, I have to say that for a long time I did not seek out companionship. Frankly I needed time to sort out my feelings and gain perspective, things best done on one’s own. As an acquaintance of mine put it—sometimes we need to savor our grief—whether we are mourning a loss, a breakup or some other parting. She meant by that statement that the re-evocation of memories is a bitter and sweet experience—that one cannot always enjoy one without the other. In time the bitterness is less sharp and the residual sweetness becomes more present.

The alone I want to speak to is something else and it has to do with a subject Alvean and I talked about recently. Humans are by nature tribal, communal and hard wired for relationship. We seek each other out and form bonds from our infancy onward. Some of these bonds lead to long standing friendships, others to romance and the creation of new tribes—families. For most of us, the idea of spending our entire lives completely on our own is not something we find palatable. Yet there are individuals who choose to live this way—cut off by choice from the rest of humanity.

What brings someone to this way of life? For some, there is a strong and purposeful intent to gain self-reliance. This is an admirable thing, to learn about ourselves and gain confidence in our ability to navigate the world around us, come what may. Others may choose this way of life out of a deep pain and misgivings about humanity in general, while still others find themselves wearied or even overwhelmed by the din of living in an era of too much noise—bustle and commerce. Whatever the reasons such individuals may not be hermits but they have chosen to disengage from the kind of existence most of us experience; however, they are not alone.

The truth is that we are never alone, even and sometimes especially when we choose to live apart from others. Even if we deny his existence, are irreligious, devoutly atheistic, we are not alone. God is always present—although he will not intrude upon our lives, respecting our freedom to choose the way we live, he abides with us. At any given instant, he is accessible to us—just waiting for us to ask him for his presence. He is the perfect parent, watching over us, saddened by our pain, celebrating our triumphs, and wanting always to help us rise above the adversities that we encounter, but never insisting that we must do as he wishes or knows is in our best interest. He wants us to be strong and able to stand on our own, but he wants us to know that he never intended for us to have to go through life without his help, though it is we that must ask for it.

So, there are times when I am by myself—but always keenly aware that he is with me and ready to respond in an instant. The things I accomplish in this life are mine to do, but the talents and gifts with which to do them are those he gave me. The obstacles I encounter—more often than not are of my own making, but even these will fall away before him should I ask. I am never further than a prayer away from him, and neither are you if you wish. So, remember the next time you are on your own, by yourself by choice or happenstance, you may be apart, but never alone.